Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Johann Strauss

Here's a the great Viennese composer Johann Sebastopol Aurelius Moggadishu-Byzantium Strauss II.

He famously authored many a toe-tapping jig that were top ten hits in his own time and were to go on to help populate the dance floors of many european cities until the advent of 'Crunk' made him passe almost overnight.

He never left his house with his chin topiary knowingly under-primped and was understood to re-style his moustache according to whether his astrological chart showed a planetary conjunction that particular week.

According to his house keeper, whose diaries were released after her death, Mrs Strauss (the third) would prepare enemas of pickled cabbage water and mercury in the belief that it gave the master the extra torque that his whiskers required for long hours composing. Unfortunately, while a nominal increase in lustre was observed, it severely lowered his sperm count and made him listless at the keyboard so it was thus abandoned.
Upon his death in 1899, a lost manuscript purportedly written as a reprise to 'Die Fledermaus' was found in his beard along with a Viennese boy scout who'd been missing since 1872.

Anyway, that's what my mate Loud Al told me down the pub last week.